Month: October 2022

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The Day He Left

On Monday the 3rd of October 2022 was the day my ex officially moved out of the house. This was also the day we decided to tell our children about what was happening. In the morning my ex had to go to work and still wasn’t home by 4 in the afternoon.  I struggled for the full day knowing what was coming. I allowed my children to play with the next door neighbors to keep them happy and distracted from mums stress. I spent the day trying to go over in my head what to say how to go about this, I just wanted to make it as easy as possible but I also knew that they were not going to take it well. While my older children was playing I would hold my baby and cry every now and then not wanting to hurt my children.

It came to around 4pm and I decided I could not wait any longer for my ex to get home and ask my two older children to come home, they tried to bring their friends home with them because they still wanted to play but I explain to the young ones that I needed to have a secret talk to my kids trying to make it fun so they didn’t expect anything. After the next-door neighbors left it was time to do one of the hardest things I have ever had to.

I ask my children to join me on the lounge room floor and cuddled both of them one in each arm and told them I had something very important to tell them. I started with how much mummy and daddy really loved them and that would never change. Then told them that sometime adult relationships change and that daddy has decided that he need to live in a different house because he decided that he just wanted to be mummy’s friend and didn’t love her the same anymore. I told them that his decision did not change the love that he had for any of them and that he would always still be there anytime they needed him and I would never stop them accessing there dad if they wanted to talk to him.

My daughter broke down in tear saying how it wasn’t fair and daddy was not allowed to leave, at this point I also started to cry and held them tight. She got so upset and said does that mean the baby will grow up in the house with out a daddy. I had to explain that the baby would always have a daddy but it would be different for him from them because he would grow up with mummy and daddy in different homes but still very loved by both. I had to explain that it was nothing that either of the kids have done that sometime adult grow and change and that they should never blame them selves because adult feeling change.

My older boy got angry and was very much like we don’t need him and can I stay with you mum I don’t want to leave you. I was like of course you will stay with me daddies job is very time demanding and he wouldn’t have the time to look after you the way I can but he will still always be there. After about ten minutes it changed and he started to cry which felt like it broke me a little more he was like “I don’t want daddy to leave this isn’t fair” and just held me so tight.

There was a lot more to the conversation and free to reassure them that dad would always be here even though he didn’t live with us. When their dad finally came home I said to the kids if there was any questions or if they wanted to tell him how they felt that it was a safe place to do so and would be very good for them. They both bombarded him with questions and he handles it pretty well and told them the same that he would always be there for them.

I still felt like my heart was breaking and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do I felt like I crushed my kids that day but knew that now was the time I had to get stronger my ex moves out that night and I knew that it was my time to be there 100% and help my children to heal and help them get use to the new family home without there dad the best I could.

I still think about I should of been patient and waited till my ex got home or maybe I could of said something different but I also know I can not change what happen and it is just time to move forward with our new life and adventures.

TIME FOR THIS MUMMA TO GET STRONGER AND BE THE BEST POSSIBLE MUM AND SUPPORT SYSTEM FOR MY 3 AMAZING CHILDREN.

I know it will not be easy but I will give it my all.HOME

 

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Before He Left

On October the 3rd 2022 was the day my ex moved out and fully made his decision he no longer wanted to parent our 3 beautiful children together. This was also the day I decided I would never allow him to live with us again. A short understanding I have been with this man since November 2012 firstly we met working together in Australia we were not together long before our beautiful daughter joined us in 2014. In 2015 we moved to New Zealand because he was born here and wanted to be closer to his family. At this time I left my family behind and started a new life in a new country with the man I loved and my beautiful daughter. In 2016 our son joined us and we started to moved around due to I suffered postnatal depression and thought that living somewhere else would be the answer.  I believe this may be where it all started ex started constantly changing job and was never satisfied for very long before he wanted the next bigger and better job. I started working and we would juggle both working and our beautiful children. Eventually we decided to move back to where he grew up to be closer to his family again for help and support. But his behavior got worse and his job did not last at all. I was with the same company and just transferred. As a couple we decided that we wanted another child and started trying  it took quiet a long time then it happen and I was extremely happy the test came back positive and we were going to welcome a new bundle of joy into our beautiful family. The pregnancy was tough and I had gestational diabetes and it was not a nice experience. We had also decided we were going to get married on our 10 year anniversary so not only were we going to welcome our baby we were going to share what I thought would be the rest of our lives together. Well that’s funny now I think about it.

In May of 2022 we welcomed our second son into this world it was hard and I got postnatal depression again. But also my ex started to change he became selfish everything had to be done his way or within his time. Example he started attending the gym and going for long walks on his own. I was very supportive of him doing these things to become better but he was very non-negotiable. He started every night giving our second son his bottle before he would go to bed but then got frustrated when the bottle was not happening within the time he wanted because he wanted to go to the gym. So he started putting himself first and got giving our son the last bottle of the night anymore.  I ask him if he would be willing to go for a walk as a family instead of going for over an hour in the morning on his own and he was like no this is my time to think. I did start to become jealous of all of his free time due to he got to go to work then he was going to the gym 3-4 night a week and also doing these walks on his days off but I was with the baby 24/7 and with the other kids and was never getting time out. Please don’t get me wrong I love my babies more then anything but I just never got a break. He was becoming a stranger and  not the man I was in love with.

In August I had finally had enough and confronted him about his behavior because he also became distant was not showing affection anymore and would no long hug me or make me feel like he cared at all. Maybe I should of left him alone but I hated how it was making me feel. After confronting him he decided to tell me that he wanted to call off the wedding and did not know if he wanted to be with me and he was sending me away to my friends for a week so he could clear his head and try and decided what he wanted. The first week of September I was I was with my friend I had our beautiful baby with me and he asked his mum to watch our other 2 children for the week. So every mans dream he had the house to himself and other than work no responsibilities. In this week he was acting strange didn’t want to really talk to me didn’t really ask about his baby much neither I do believe that I knew where he was heading but I just didn’t want to believe it.

When I returned from my week away he did inform me while I was away he cooked another women dinner at our house and even though he said nothing happened this really hurt me because of how distance he was and I’m not sure I believe nothing happened. I have no evidence either way to know for sure but with his behavior I just didn’t feel right about it.  My ex decided that he wanted to go to a couples counseling session and I completely agreed due to I wanted to save our family from separating. When we went to the session my ex was talking about how there was no spark and bring up a lot from our past that no longer was relevant but he held on which in return he got a few hard truth about himself and how he was not really there much for out children through the years. The kind gentleman who was counseling advised we should try a six months period were we tried to make time for ourselves, our relationship and family time. I thought this was a great idea sometime a relationship get lost when you do nothing but parent together. My ex was not impressed by this idea at all and  you could see that he would not go through with it.

For 3 weeks in September he lead me on to believe that we could possible save the relationship but never letting on he had already made his decision and was just waiting it out. The weekend before our Big boys birthday he came into our room and told me that he was going to leave and did not want to be with me anymore. I think a big part of me was ready for this but still was disappointed the only thing I asked of my ex was to wait until after our sons birthday so he could still enjoy and be excited about it. He agreed to it but kept messing with my head the whole time. That week we celebrated our sons birthday has his party on the weekend with all his friends and he had a great time.

Unfortunately after the party the time had come were he needed to move out it was the start of school holidays but Monday the 3rd of October was the say he left and that is when my single mum journey has begun.

I apologies my spelling and grammar is horrible but I hope you enjoy the journey.