On October the 3rd 2022 was the day my ex moved out and fully made his decision he no longer wanted to parent our 3 beautiful children together. This was also the day I decided I would never allow him to live with us again. A short understanding I have been with this man since November 2012 firstly we met working together in Australia we were not together long before our beautiful daughter joined us in 2014. In 2015 we moved to New Zealand because he was born here and wanted to be closer to his family. At this time I left my family behind and started a new life in a new country with the man I loved and my beautiful daughter. In 2016 our son joined us and we started to moved around due to I suffered postnatal depression and thought that living somewhere else would be the answer. I believe this may be where it all started ex started constantly changing job and was never satisfied for very long before he wanted the next bigger and better job. I started working and we would juggle both working and our beautiful children. Eventually we decided to move back to where he grew up to be closer to his family again for help and support. But his behavior got worse and his job did not last at all. I was with the same company and just transferred. As a couple we decided that we wanted another child and started trying it took quiet a long time then it happen and I was extremely happy the test came back positive and we were going to welcome a new bundle of joy into our beautiful family. The pregnancy was tough and I had gestational diabetes and it was not a nice experience. We had also decided we were going to get married on our 10 year anniversary so not only were we going to welcome our baby we were going to share what I thought would be the rest of our lives together. Well that’s funny now I think about it.
In May of 2022 we welcomed our second son into this world it was hard and I got postnatal depression again. But also my ex started to change he became selfish everything had to be done his way or within his time. Example he started attending the gym and going for long walks on his own. I was very supportive of him doing these things to become better but he was very non-negotiable. He started every night giving our second son his bottle before he would go to bed but then got frustrated when the bottle was not happening within the time he wanted because he wanted to go to the gym. So he started putting himself first and got giving our son the last bottle of the night anymore. I ask him if he would be willing to go for a walk as a family instead of going for over an hour in the morning on his own and he was like no this is my time to think. I did start to become jealous of all of his free time due to he got to go to work then he was going to the gym 3-4 night a week and also doing these walks on his days off but I was with the baby 24/7 and with the other kids and was never getting time out. Please don’t get me wrong I love my babies more then anything but I just never got a break. He was becoming a stranger and not the man I was in love with.
In August I had finally had enough and confronted him about his behavior because he also became distant was not showing affection anymore and would no long hug me or make me feel like he cared at all. Maybe I should of left him alone but I hated how it was making me feel. After confronting him he decided to tell me that he wanted to call off the wedding and did not know if he wanted to be with me and he was sending me away to my friends for a week so he could clear his head and try and decided what he wanted. The first week of September I was I was with my friend I had our beautiful baby with me and he asked his mum to watch our other 2 children for the week. So every mans dream he had the house to himself and other than work no responsibilities. In this week he was acting strange didn’t want to really talk to me didn’t really ask about his baby much neither I do believe that I knew where he was heading but I just didn’t want to believe it.
When I returned from my week away he did inform me while I was away he cooked another women dinner at our house and even though he said nothing happened this really hurt me because of how distance he was and I’m not sure I believe nothing happened. I have no evidence either way to know for sure but with his behavior I just didn’t feel right about it. My ex decided that he wanted to go to a couples counseling session and I completely agreed due to I wanted to save our family from separating. When we went to the session my ex was talking about how there was no spark and bring up a lot from our past that no longer was relevant but he held on which in return he got a few hard truth about himself and how he was not really there much for out children through the years. The kind gentleman who was counseling advised we should try a six months period were we tried to make time for ourselves, our relationship and family time. I thought this was a great idea sometime a relationship get lost when you do nothing but parent together. My ex was not impressed by this idea at all and you could see that he would not go through with it.
For 3 weeks in September he lead me on to believe that we could possible save the relationship but never letting on he had already made his decision and was just waiting it out. The weekend before our Big boys birthday he came into our room and told me that he was going to leave and did not want to be with me anymore. I think a big part of me was ready for this but still was disappointed the only thing I asked of my ex was to wait until after our sons birthday so he could still enjoy and be excited about it. He agreed to it but kept messing with my head the whole time. That week we celebrated our sons birthday has his party on the weekend with all his friends and he had a great time.
Unfortunately after the party the time had come were he needed to move out it was the start of school holidays but Monday the 3rd of October was the say he left and that is when my single mum journey has begun.
I apologies my spelling and grammar is horrible but I hope you enjoy the journey.